Chasing Contentment

Monday, April 25

It was a difficult weekend for me. It was exceedingly good, but I always find that when God chooses to show us something very clearly, it's most often a tiring process, both emotionally and physically.

My brother pointed out, most likely unknowingly, that I was choosing to allow certain people to treat me in a certain way. Choosing is one of my big things in life... I feel like we all have choices, and we should accept both the good and the bad that come with those choices. I had been unconsciously choosing to act a certain way, thus enabling other people to act a certain way. And then I was disappointed and upset by the way the other people acted.

As I began to think about how I was doing that, I both became discouraged that I was allowing this (of course... gotta get in the 'I was wrong' stuff) but also encouraged by the idea that this was my choice. I can choose to change this action or I can see the benefits of continuing on this way. I am always empowered by the idea of choice.

And so, I looked closely at my actions and the possible different actions I could take, and the fact is, I consciously choose this course of action. I want people to be comfortable, and I want to avoid confrontation. This current choice allows both things to happen, whereas a different approach on my part would make other people uncomfortable and would require confrontation. So, I'm choosing to go from here in the same way, but I am also choosing to stop griping about the criticisms I receive from other people.

Yesterday in Sunday School, the substitute teacher taught from Jude, and she said some things that were both hard for me to hear and exactly what I needed to hear. God used her to reassure me that my faith is strong, despite criticisms I might receive. Mike tells me that all the time, and L and A both tell me that routinely, but sometimes, it takes God speaking through a stranger to reinforce what we believe in ways that we will belive it most. God used this woman to speak to me clearly, through His word. And I am deeply grateful.

And so today I am prepared to move forward from here, determined and encouraged by my own power to choose, by the faith that I have in my heart.

[  posted by Chel on Monday, April 25, 2005  ]


Post a Comment