Chasing Contentment

Friday, April 22

When Mike and I are criticized for our beliefs or things tied to them, I often say to him, 'I just don't know what I believe.' Last night, he disagreed. He says that I do know what I believe but that I don't get tied up in theology. And maybe he's right.

I know my faith is great. I have no problems believing in this amazing, great, and powerful God. I have no hesitations in trusting Him to provide for me and mine, to care for us, to lead and guide us. I have no reservations in believing that His word is true and that He is unquestionable.

In that, I think that there are some basic truths that should cross all divisions and boundaries, basic truths that make us Christians, one in the body of Christ. And if we can agree on those, don't the other things just fall to the wayside? Shouldn't they?

Aren't the technicalities of this faith or that faith or this belief or that just gravy on the potatoes of Christianity? I am so discouraged by the continual squabbling about this or that amongst the peoples around me. I feel inadequate to answer the criticisms leveled against me because my theological knowledge and my actual Scripture knowledge are so inadequate as to render me ineffective in that discussion. I know that those are areas of my spiritual life that desperately need improving, but I get discouraged in that, too. This author is too this and that author is too that, and how does one know who to believe? Mike says I should study both and decide what the middle is for myself, and he's probably right.

Thankfully, he also contends that some confusion is good. It allows for God to be the only real answer. He says that my faith is genuine and strong, and that, in the end, that's what will matter most, I hope both in my relationship with Christ and in my ability to show Him to others through me.

I have a friend who says that people who criticize my faith don't know me well enough to know my spiritual strength. I have another friend who says she enjoys coming to our home because amidst all of the craziness, she always sees the love, both that we have for one another and that we extend to those who join us. I hope they are right.

I am worn down. I am discouraged. I am resentful that faith doesn't seem to be enough anymore. I am on my knees thanking our Lord that He allows us the ability to discern on our own, through the guidance of His Holy Spirit.

[  posted by Chel on Friday, April 22, 2005  ]


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