Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, June 21

Marla announced the winners of the Intellectuelle contest today on her blog, and I was pleased to note that several of my picks were amongst the winners. There are a couple of people who didn't win but who I'm hoping will reveal themselves as the writers, so I can begin reading their blogs as well. I'm pleased that I agreed to help with the judging. It was a good experience for me, and it gave me a little more confidence about my own little blog here.

I was flitting around online this morning and happened across a blog written by a man whose eight-week-old son in in the NICU. After reading the first few sentences, my chest felt tight, and I had tears in my eyes. I wanted to leave an encouraging comment because I feel convicted to try to encourage those who are in that situation, but I will have to do that later as I just couldn't at that moment. Eliza's a tiny, healthy almost two-year-old, and yet, the memory of that time is still hard.

When we took her for her last NICU evaluation, we stood and talked with our favorite nurses, and I cried. I asked Mike if he thought I would ever get to the point where I could see those people and not tear up. It isn't a sadness or a hurt any longer. It's just this automatic emotional response. These dear people took care of my baby well before I did, and there is such emotion to that.

My friend, Stacy, is a social worker at a local NICU (not the one Eliza was at, though Stacy ministered to me anyway), and she says that all mothers of preemies have mama guilt. I think I am past the guilt of me being sick and Eliza paying the price for that, but this powerful emotion remains.

I cry. When I come across a photo of Eliza in the NICU, I cry. We watched "House" the other night, and it dealt with sick little babies, and I cried. There is such gratitude - to the doctors and nurses who cared for me and Eliza and to our God - that it is overwhelming.

And for me, part of showing my gratitude to God (I take goodies to my doctor every year on Eliza's birthday to thank him) is being committed to encouraging other parents in that situation. And so I need to go leave that comment now.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, June 21, 2005  ]


Just wanted to say thanks for encouraging my friends in NYC. We have been praying for baby Ira for a long time...his family is precious to us. Thank you for your prayers!

P. S. My entry is "Relationships Trump Everyday Busyness".

By Blogger Jana, at 5:37 AM  

Well, I have to admit I have a little lump in my throat after reading your message on my blog. You are too sweet, Michele. I really needed that encouragement this morning. Because of you -- and only because of you -- will I own up to my entry.

I really should do more stuff like this though. It might be helpful in toughening me up a bit!

By Blogger Jana, at 6:28 AM  

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