Chasing Contentment

Thursday, September 29

God is in control. He is the only one who knows where all of the pieces of the puzzle of my life fit. He is the only one who knows the motives and intentions of the people in my life.

As this situation we are in becomes worse (by the moment it seems at times), I am realizing that the only thing I can really control is me. And for a bit of a control freak like me, that's a big realization.

The only thing I can control in this situation is my reaction to it. I can let it absorb me, control me, consume me or I can resist that.

I can let my opinion of Christians and of God be tainted by this or I can remember that these are individual sinners - like me - and they are not always the best reflection of Christ. Many times, they are no reflection of Christ despite their words to the contrary.

Mike and I are tense and agitated and concerned and uneasy, and all of these are certainly realistic feelings. But it is my desire to compartmentalize those fears and worries so that we can deal with them as aspects of our lives, not as our lives themselves. I want my children to be shielded from all of this, and the only way to do that is to try to contain it as much as possible.

I adore this man I married. I respect him more than any other man I've ever encountered. He is dealing with unkind forces in an honorable manner. He is standing tall in the face of adversity, though I know he doesn't feel as if he is. I can see the toll this is taking on him. I honestly don't know how to help him, though I want to desperately.

For now, I'll pray for him and do all that is in my power to make our home a calm and loving shelter from this storm.

[  posted by Chel on Thursday, September 29, 2005  ]


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