Chasing Contentment

Wednesday, October 5

We have lizards. Not as pets or out in the yard or anything mundane like that. We have lizards in our house. Apparently, one came to visit, liked it, and when Mike relocated him outside where he belongs, he told friends. And now they've come to visit.

Those who know me would agree that I'm about as girly a girl as there is. I don't much like nature in the out of doors where it belongs. Lizards in my house is too much. Too much!

I've been working really hard to keep pace with the stress in our lives, and I've felt like I was doing okay. It's been really hard, but I've felt like I was holding my own. But now, there are lizards. And they've just pushed me over the edge.

Poor Mike asked me something this morning and ended up getting my litany of things that weigh on me. I feel just at the end of my rope.

I've written at times about how it seems that God orchestrates things so that when one friend is struggling, another is on solid ground and about how the circle of leaning just keeps going. But right now, it seems like all of my support circle are struggling, too. Thankfully, most of us are leaning into one another.

The word 'faith' means so many things to so many people. Right now, for me, faith is believing in something better when I have no idea how better will materialize. Faith is trust that an unseen God is holding us despite the floundering feeling I have. Faith is steadfastly accepting that there is a plan and it is for my good when things seem, at the moment, to be very chaotic.

Faith believes babies will be conceived and born... evacuees will move out of our houses into their own spaces... children will be strong and contented... jobs will pay the bills and callings will turn into jobs... the Astros will keep winning... time alone with loved ones will somehow become available despite a lack of babysitting funds... ...

Faith is having hope when all logic and current feelings say that hope is silly. My God is stronger than my fears, and He is strongest when I am weak and broken, so if I do my part, He should be shining through right now because I feel pretty weak and broken. Faith finds some contentment in that.

[  posted by Chel on Wednesday, October 05, 2005  ]


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