Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, March 7

Divine Straight Lines
Griffin has this folder - THE folder - from school that he carries back and forth each day. It has clearly marked pockets - one says 'Papers to Return to School' and the other says 'Papers to Stay Home.' But Griff is no respecter of the pockets, which drives me crazy.

A couple of weeks ago, I was flipping through the 40-odd papers in the one pocket, and I asked him again which of those needed to stay home and which needed to go back to school. As usual, he didn't remember and asked me why I cared.

"I would have thought that having known me the entire seven years of your life, you'd have figured this out by now," I began. "But since you haven't, I'll just tell you. I like things a certain way."

I like things a certain way. I do. If there was ever a spontaneous bone in my body, it was long ago broken and has knit back into a nice, organized bone. I don't leave town without my planner, in which I only write in pencil and on which no one else is allowed to write. I enjoy plans and lists. I like things a certain way.

Our lives haven't felt very orderly for the last year or so, though. Mike interviewed for two jobs last spring and turned down one other interview. He didn't pursue one of the two and wasn't offered the other. And I am grateful for both.

What felt so uncertain at that time - and for many months since then - now seems perfectly planned to me. We both needed those interviews to prepare for this spring, but we also needed more time here where we are.

Now that he's accepted a new job lots and lots of miles away from here, things are still uncertain. I have to find a job, and we have to find schools for both kids and a house and a church and on and on.

But I trust that while this time feels chaotic to me, it's actually very much in God's plan. I trust that He will provide because He always has.

And I'm sure that months from now, when we're in our new lives, I'll look back upon this time (just as I now look back upon last spring) and I'll see that what feels like a winding, curvy, unsteady road right now is actually a very straight line in God's plan from point A to point B.

And I will continue to be thankful that my sense of order is not God's, and I will continue to strive to align myself with His order, with His plan. And I'll remember that my vision is limited, and His is unfathomable. And I will trust in His plan.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, March 07, 2006  ]


I've pasted a picture of Chel in my dictionary under "organized." For anyone who knows her, that's the only definition they'll need. I know that forgetful, roll-with-the-punches, disorderly friends like me drive her insane. My planner consists of assorted PostIts stuck around my computer screen, the older ones collecting like fallen leaves amid the random stacks of CDs (sans cases). Chel is the model of structure that I could only aspire to be. But I am making strides -- my To Do list is here by my side with items actually completed and crossed off. Granted, it's a stream-of-consciousness rambling scratched in a Steno pad. But, hey, it's a list!

By Blogger Terri, at 11:50 AM  

Chel, I am grateful that you are willing to work through this disorder with a faith that there is order in it. I'm glad I've got you to go through the disorder with.

By Blogger geauxstros, at 12:18 PM  

Chel, you are the Hardy to my Laurel. I like things a certain way, too. My problem is, I don't know what that way is yet.

Love your blog. Great post!

By Blogger Carol, at 8:47 PM  

Great post. I have found this too - I don't understand the circumstances and sometimes they don't fit my idea of order - but they are part of God's order. Thanks for a post which is willing to see the complexitie of life as part of God's plan.

By Blogger Catez, at 10:23 PM  

Wow. Very good perspective. We have moved a lot in my husband's career. We aren't the most religious folks but have always said, "It's a good thing God has a plan for our lives, because the Army doesn't seem to, and we sure don't know what's going on."

Hubby's career has taken some mighty huge twists. It's easy to see in hindsight how they were helpful. Gives us a little more patience when it happens again, and again, too.

Good luck with your transition. I'm going to keep checking in to see how things go. ;)

By Blogger Chaotic Mom, at 7:32 PM  

This is the first time I visited your site and it is lovely and orderly! I really enjoyed this piece you wrote and agree wholeheartedly that I am grateful, too, for God's perfect order in our lives in spite of myself. Thanks!

By Blogger Leann, at 9:33 AM  

I am just catching up on my 'carnival readings'.
What a wonderful post, Chel. There are so many uncertain things in life, but as long as we know Who is in charge, we can always trust that the outcome is to glorify Him.

By Blogger eph2810, at 11:06 AM  

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