Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, February 6

It was so funny that I called Mandy and Aleece to tell them both. But in all honesty, it probably wasn't as much funny as it was a reflection of just how much the last few years of our lives and the work situations we were in before the move have changed me.

Yesterday was my first day in my permanent section, and I now have a desk that's mine. I can put pictures and such in my cube area, and I can settle in and make the space mine (as much as is possible in the corporate environment). Everyone has these great, unique spaces.

I have three pictures of my kids taped to a shelf. There's also a bag of yogurt raisins and a cup of soup in my drawer. And that's it. I decided at lunch that I would go and buy myself some groovy office/desk supplies and begin to make the area more friendly. But I didn't.

I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It seems that I have a combination of problems. I have work commitment issues. If I put pretty Chel things in this space, then I'm committing to stay there. And I'm not sure I'm ready for that commitment yet, despite the fact that I've been there almost six months and have already received one raise.

There's also this leftover belief that I need to be portable. If something were to happen, and I needed to leave quickly, I could put my three pictures in my bag and go. Or I could even just call it a wash and print more from Snapfish later. Or if they decide I'm a lousy employee, it won't take my supervisor long to pack up my three photos. She won't need a box. An envelope will do.

But I suppose I am relatively commited to the job. And they don't seem inclined to fire me just yet. So maybe I'll slowly add cubicle decorations. If I'm going to paint my house and make it my home, I guess I should begin to work to feel at home at work, too.

See, funny. But not.

God's working in my life. He removed us from a situation that was becoming increasingly detrimental to us, and then He placed us somewhere wonderful. My faith in Him never waivered, but I lost much of my faith in other people. Now, I see that it's time that I begin to let down my guard a bit and conceive of a life here outside of the walls of our house. I need to let God show me how to trust again... in my work environment.

I think I'll go find a picture frame to take with me tomorrow.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, February 06, 2007  ]


Post a Comment