Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, April 24

I stayed home again today. I was a little startled myself when I made that decision. Seeing as I slept most of the day, I'm sure it was a good decision, but it was a hard one to make. My job doesn't exactly encourage self-health or whatnot much less time off, so I'm sure it'll be especially difficult there for the rest of the week. But I'm proud of myself for doing what I needed to do for my health.

Once I finally woke up this afternoon, I read in my new Bible some (read the Lectionary readings from last Sunday from the church we sometimes visit), and I prayed for a while. It was good to spend some quiet time with God, admitting that while I feel content here in this new place, I am not at peace at work. There is little about my new job that is peaceful.

It is stressful and harried and competitive and overwhelming (I have more than 150 cases myself, which seems insane). And I do not feel comfortable or at peace there yet, and I'm struggling between setting my own goals and attaining them gradually and accepting the goals set for us, knowing I'm not that competent yet. And I admitted to my Lord that I need His peace to go back tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after.

And it felt good to admit that need to the One who can meet it.

Later, I took a quiz to determine my Real Age, which is based upon lots of different factors, including lifestyle and community. Turns out, my real age these days is 40, a good 2.9 years ahead of my actual age. I lost huge amounts of points for the stress factors in our lives in the last year and for the lack of community involvement. All the points I earned for having close friends were negated due to the fact that I never see any of these women in person.

I've been working so hard at work, feeling so overwhelmed by it all the time, and I haven't been making enough time for the things in life that I'm really good at... being a part of a group, involving my family in something greater than ourselves.

Though I'll pay for it while my workload the rest of the week, I think taking these days off was good for me. I know that I need to allow myself that time to progress in my job at my own pace. (A young, single mother was in my initial training class and transition group, and I saw her one day last week. When I asked how it was going, she said, "As long as they keep letting me in the door, I'll keep showing up." She's grateful because this company and job allows her to provide for her son in a way that her previous job didn't. I need to focus on the fact that I am grateful to have a job at all.)

So for now, for my near future, my goal is simply going to be to go into work and do the best I can, without worrying about whether I'm excelling or not. (We used to love the Playhouse Disney show "PB&J Otter" and one of the kids sayings... Do the best you can do & that's the best you can do. We used to tell that to Griff all the time. I think now I'll start telling it to myself.)

I'm praying for peace in my workplace, if only in a little bubble surrounding me. And I'm praying for opportunities for us to become more active in our community. And I'm begging God to show us the church He has for us so we can become involved there.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, April 24, 2007  ]


Post a Comment