Chasing Contentment

Wednesday, April 18

Last weekend, as Mike and I drove to pick up the kids, we discussed our current spiritual situation... of sorts. I hadn't expected to have been here this long and to still not be active in a church.

My expectations were badly ... well, they were just wrong. I've realized that instead of us being all set here in a year, it's probably going to take us a year to get comfortable enough to begin settling down. That may not make any sense to anyone who hasn't made a big, full-family move.

But for those first few months, we were simply focusing our energy on putting one foot in front of the other each day... just getting from morning to night. Once that wasn't so hard, we began to find places in town that we liked and to navigate the waters of a new community... just making my way to the grocery store and finding parks the kids liked.

Then, we were all in the midst of adjusting to new work and school environments and that took our focus for quite some time (truth be told, Griff and I are still adjusting, and he'll go to another new school in August, so that pattern of adjustment will continue).

So now I'm realizing that this first year here is just easing us into this new life. The second year will be for embracing it.

As I can see the adjustment more clearly now, it's not as appalling that we aren't in a church yet. But as we become more comfortable, that yearning to be a part of a spiritual community is strengthening, too. And that's such a good sign for me.

I've told Mike that God and I are taking a break (to borrow a "Friends" term), but the truth of the matter is that I took a break. God's still God... still there loving me and waiting for me to be ready for the growth that He has for me.

If I think of God as a father, which I often do, then I think of this past year of so as those evenings when the storm outside rattles the windows and the lightening strikes across the sky and Eliza curls up in Mike's lap afraid of what's outside. There's such comfort in a Father's love.

And in those moments, there is growth and learning. She's learning that there is always love for her, around her, even in a storm. And she's learning that there is protection, even when things are frightening and uncertain. Those aren't moments when Mike tries to teach her other things, when he tries to make points with her. The point is that she is safe with her daddy.

This last year has been full of me curling up in God's lap. I haven't been studying my Bible as I have in the past, and I haven't been praying as much as I have in the past (I've always prayed, even when I didn't read or study my Bible). But when Eliza's scared, she and Mike don't talk. There is a comfortable silence. I've felt secure in the silence with God lately.

Maybe I didn't so much take a break as just take a rest.

But now that I'm feeling better, I'm feeling that yearning for more growth and more communication with God. The kids bought me a new Bible for my birthday (yeah, sure, I picked it out and Mike paid for it and they have no idea, but still), and I'm looking forward to getting into it, to studying more.

And I'm looking forward to finding a church where we can all grow and find ways to be used. So maybe the storm clouds of our lives are clearing, and we'll begin to feel the warmth of the sun soon.

[  posted by Chel on Wednesday, April 18, 2007  ]


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