Chasing Contentment


Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.
Phillipians 4:11



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Wednesday, May 9

I'm an all-or-nothing girl. I admit it. When I decide I need to do something, I need to do it all the time, all the way or not at all. It's not the best way to do things, and it's something I'm trying to overcome.

This is Michele's Marvelous May. I have this theory that if there's something I want to be doing in my life, I should just do it rather than giving in to the reasons why not to do it. And while I know there's really no way to add or take away ALL of the things that would need to be done in my life in order to have the 'ideal' life. But I also know that there are some things I can be doing to make myself feel better.

In my head, I've got this huge list of things for Marvelous May. The one thing I've done (and I suppose if I'm only going to accomplish one thing, this is the one to do) is begin reading the Bible more consistently. I thought about starting in Psalms because it's got all of our emotions in it, but in turning to Psalms, I passed Job, and something told me to stop.

And I am loving it. How many people do we have in our lives who are like Job's friends? Those people who tell us how to do things 'right' or 'better' with so little compassion in their messages... in their tones. How many times do we want to scream out at God and ask 'why me? What did I do to deserve this?'

And how encouraging it is to see Job angry at his place in life, wanting answers from God and yet never waivering from his faith. It makes me feel better.

I hate my job (and new goals the management has put in place suggest I may not be asked to stick around much longer), and I miss my friends at home, and I am astounded that we have been here in this new life for almost a year and don't feel any more settled than this. I feel adrift, left alone. I want to know why I'm in this job, why I feel so unprepared and unsuccessful at it.

And yet, I feel a strong sense of peace... about being where God would have me, in this job (for whatever reason and for whatever time frame), in this place, in this moment.

[  posted by Chel on Wednesday, May 09, 2007  ]
[   1 comments  ]

1 Comments:

What a beautiful post. (((hugs))) Chel.

By Blogger Unknown, at 2:41 PM  

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