Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, November 27

I'm in a funk this week & I don't know why. Things certainly aren't bad or disturbing, but things just feel a little off with me. I have been feeling better about work and about my qualifications, but yesterday I got a review, and it wasn't as good as I would have liked. I was more than a little disappointed.

And there is a bunch of stress surrounding my supervisor for various reasons, and I'm frustrated with that. So I'm a little blah this week, just out of sorts.

I've told Mike several times that people at work say over and over how nice I am. And I really don't consider myself that nice. But this is a very secular environment, and the things I consider basic civility or moral niceties aren't things that are the norm.

One day last week, a co-worker made the comment that I am the optimist in our section, which made me laugh. Here in our house, I'm solidly in charge of the pessimistic duties. But I must have an inner hope that shows... something we don't see because we're accustomed to it... accepting of it as part of our daily lives.

I prayed before we moved here that God would put me somewhere that I could be of service to Him. Why he chose to grant this prayer and not the one where I'm a size 8 again with a cute tush, I don't know. But He did.

And I've been shocked. I really, honestly have always been quite sheltered and protected. My family were Christians. My friends were as well. We both worked in a Christian environment (not that everyone there acted in a proper Christian manner, of course). And now that I'm in the minority rather than the majority, it's surprising to me.

I know people must see something in me that is positive and encouraging because out of the five other people in my section, three have asked me in the last two days if I was okay (and one of the other two is a man, so he hardly counts in this scenario). I'm not depressed or upset... just blah. And for a subtle shift like that to draw such attention... I must be allowing God's grace and hope to shine through me more than I think some days.

At least I hope so. And I hope the blahs go away soon. I've got Christmas fun to have.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, November 27, 2007  ]


I was just talking to the wife about this. She said a child at school told her she wished that my wife were her mother. Other children give her hugs. There is something about the love of God that comes through. Something like a fragrance that shines through.

By Blogger The Pastor, at 9:07 PM  

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