Sunday, October 16
I've not made any secrets about the faults I have. I'm pretty open with most of them, as most of them are pretty obvious to anyone spending much time with me. I like the idea that - with God's help - I can overcome some of them. I do, however, have one glaring fault that haunts me, never really leaving my thought patterns.I have a history with a lousy self-esteem. As I've aged, I've discovered a difference between self-esteem or self-worth and self-image. When I was younger (much younger, mind you), my self-image was icky, as I would venture is true of most high schoolers. College, however, gave me new confidence and pride in my appearance. Truth be told, though, my appearance was the extent of that confidence and pride.
For whatever reasons, I put my value in my appearance and in superficial things, and I know now that people - myself included - are so much more than just that. Today, at 35, my understanding and appreciation of my own self-worth is so much deeper than in the past. Unfortunately, I have a severe disconnect between my personhood and my appearance.
As I've been struggling a lot lately with my negative thoughts swirling in my head about my body (it's kinda what I do in times of tension), I've been trying different things to shore up a sagging self-image (the 100 things is a good example). Some days, it helps. Other days, not so much.
I was feeling lousy earlier today, checking my email when I got a Google alert pointing me to an essay I wrote almost two years ago. It was about how great my body was because it survived the bout with HELLP. Somehow, in those two years, I'd forgotten that. I don't believe it was coincidence that I was reminded of that essay and those opinions today. I believe God sends us encouragement - sometimes from ourselves! - when we most need it. I'm going to post that essay here for the next time that I forget.
[ posted by Chel on Sunday, October 16, 2005 ]
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