Chasing Contentment

Tuesday, October 18

Faith - and how we express our faith and how we embody our faith - occupies my mind these days. Tense times for us and our friends personally, for our communities and hurricane(s)-ravaged state, and for our nation bring us to moments in time when faith ceases to be an idea and instead becomes a concrete action.

I've written before about faith and how that concept materializes in my life. I've also written recently about coming to the realization that the only thing I can truly control is my reaction to things happening around me. An acquaintance said the other evening that she thinks the Fruits of the Spirit are revealed in quiet ways as we go about our lives, trying to do the right things. I so deeply desire for that to be true in my life, and yet, I'm not at all sure it is.

The concepts of faith and control are closely intertwined in my thoughts these days, as evidenced by the fact that I keep posting on them. I think God is putting these ideas into my head again and again to try to convince me to quit worrying and to let go and allow myself to be completely vulnerable to Him, to fall completely into His care without wanting someone else's care and without attempting my own. (one of my favorite useful sites) lists one definition of 'faith' as "the theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God's will."

I have a simplistic faith on many levels, I'll admit. I'm rarely drawn by need to determine whether or not a Biblical event was possible in literal terms or to seek out the hows of things God determines. It is enough for me to believe that He is in control and that He has my good at heart.

In these trying days, I am confident that He will continue to provide, that He has a path set out for us and that He will show us the next step in that path in His good time. That is not to say, however, that these are not remarkably stressful times or that there aren't worries and fears. To say that would be a lie.

Undaunted by the friendly teasing I got about it, I was a loyal fan of Joss Whedon's cult favorite, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." One of my favorite episodes was "Once More With Feeling," an unusual musical outing. The refrain from one of the songs from that episode keeps running through my head these days...

Where do we go from here?
Why is the path unclear?
When we know home is near
We'll go hand in hand
But we'll walk alone in fear

Tell me
Where do we go from here?
When does the end appear?
I feel very much like those around me who are in similar situations are walking this path with me, but I also feel oddly isolated. We are all experiencing our own unique fears associated with this, and we are all pushed from different directions, and we are all experiencing this differently. It's an oddly unified yet individualistic existence.

I feel very much like all I bring to this table with God - who brings just everything good! - is my weakness and my willingness. I hope it is enough.

[  posted by Chel on Tuesday, October 18, 2005  ]


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